Still the same question. Here comes the more personal touch on that question.
Why do I know God's love better now than I did a few years ago? Wow...what a question! God only knows for real, but I do have some thoughts about it. I believe it's because I've asked God to show me his love for me. In some ways that's all I've done. I've asked him: "take me to a place where I know your love, and where you're enough for me". A brave prayer, and one you shouldn't pray if you're not ready to walk the road of brokenness with Christ. There is no other way to really experience God's love for YOU than the road David, Joseph, Peter, Paul, Jesus himself and countless others have walked: the road of humility and brokenness.
Churches and missions organizations talk a lot about humility and brokenness these years, but often they mean something else than the Bible does. Often humility and brokenness is just something you do. It's an add-on to your Christian life. You serve some homeless people once a week and that proves that you're humble. You admit that you sometimes lose your temper, and that proves that you're extremely broken. These comments are not actual quotes, but they are in essence, what I've heard from many Christians, when I've talked about these two words!
Look at Jesus who walked the road of humility. Humiliated, ridiculed, mocked, beaten, accused of being a drunkard and a party animal, accused of breaking the law, lying, blaspheming, finally convicted in an unfair trial, hung a cross, mocked even while dying and dead.....Yet Jesus was close to his Father in heaven! He knew God's love for him and for the world. "Father if there is another way, can we go that? Yet not my will, but your will be done", "Forgive them for they know what they do"
Joseph...dreamer, proud young man. Learned about humility through being sold by his own brothers as a slave, was thrown in prison though he was innocent, suffered many kinds of agony, but learned to trust God despite his circumstances and was, after many years, ready to forgive his family and save many from certain death because of hunger.
Peter....boastful, proud, strong, always the first disciple to talk whenever Jesus asked them a question. Convinced that he would ALWAYS be there for Jesus, but his own strength and courage failed him. He learned to be humble, he learned that in his own strength he can do nothing, but in Christ's strength, the strengt of humility and brokenness he can do anything. And humble and broken Peter was the first great Church leader.
Paul....powerful evangelist after his extreme conversion experience. On fire for God. Ready to do anything. But...he had a thorn in his flesh (2. Corinthians 12). We don't know what the problem was. Only God knows. But it helped Paul be humble and not trust in his own strength.
WHY HUMILITY?
Was God trying to punish Jesus, Joseph, Peter and Paul? Is he mean-spirited when he puts them and us in circumstances we don't enjoy? Yes, some Christians say and feel that! Because they don't trust God to be who he says he is. But God putting the mentioned great ones and ourselves through difficult circumstances is God's way of loving us and taking us to a place where he is all we have.
He has to strip of all the things that we hold on to (reputation, abilities, ministry, spiritual gifts, sense of humor, work, family, friends, achievements, good looks, etc. etc. etc.) to give us our sense of worth. So that he can become all for us and in us.
My own road of humility started (at least this stage of it! God has been at work in me for many years) almost two years ago. I had just gotten married, and we were headed back to a YWAM base in the United Kingdom where I was convinced that we needed to go. I had big plans and dreams for our time there. I saw myself as the next great leader to come out of that base, I was gonna pioneer this school and that ministry...big plans! And the people there, like all other people I had met previously in my life, had never-ending faith in me and my abilities. All was good. But God didn't agree! It's a long story, but through various circumstances that I don't mind sharing about, but it takes too long right here, God took Jeannette and I away from my dream place in the UK and here to Kiev where things have been more difficult. Again, it's a long story, but God has, in his mercy, taken away many of the things that I built my life around (my performance, my reputation, my admiration, etc.) to replace it with him. He took me to a place where I was willing to admit: "I don't know what to do, but I'm looking to you (only to you) for help" (2. Chr. 20: 12b).
I continue to learn more about humility, brokenness and trust. Sometimes it's a lonely path, but it's also a good path, because I know God is here with me. Psalm 23 speaks about life with God better than I can express:
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
3 he restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake.
4 Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death, [a]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
forever.
Jesus has taken me through difficult times and fun times, but he is the Shepherd, I'm the follower. Jesus says it very clearly in John chapter 10 where he talks about himself as the Good Shepherd. I am his sheep. I hear his voice. I recognize his voice. I follow him. And it's in this context that he promises us the ABUNDANT LIFE in him. It's all about Jesus. I allow God to be God and me to be me, and I experience intimacy with him! But it all goes through the road of brokenness and me realizing that I don't have it all together, that God is more than an add-on to my own efforts, that truly I'm dead and Christ now lives his life through me.
Hmmm...did this reply help anybody? It's a difficult question to answer, because without trusting God it's a terrible thought that he would lead me through the "valley of death". And my journey to God and with God is not your journey. It's personal and intimate and hard to explain and express..!
But it all starts with a simple prayer: "God I want to know you and I want to know your love for me. Take me to a place where you will be all I have and where I can experience intimacy and life in you. I give you permission to take away everything that you see hinders me from truly knowing your love for me. Teach me to trust you more and more and throw myself in your arms and know that you're my good, loving Father" and then the adventure begins:-)
God bless!
Torben
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